Love and Truth
by verecundus
Summary: Remus Lupin feels it's time to come clean to his best friends about his little infatuation with a one Sirius Black. Siremus, with slight James/Lily. Rated T for mild sexual innuendo and mild kissing.


Hello, hello! I've decided to write my first Siremus fic! I've been reading them for a while and I've always subconsciously been a Siremus shipper. I've intended for this to be a oneshot, but I suppose I could write more if people wanted me to. Also, Peter is mostly absent for the duration of this fic. I can't stand his character and I found it hard to write him as an actual human being, when he's such a lying scumbag. So I left him out for most of this.

Just a small note: If you're reading the other fic I'm currently working on, 'Father' then please be patient! I haven't given up, I've just temporarily lost my rhythm. I'm so sorry for the wait, but I promise I'll get onto it as soon as I can! Now, onto the fic!

* * *

I had always known that I, Remus John Lupin, was gay. There had never been a point when I'd realized. I sort of always just... _knew._ To be perfectly honest, I think my parents always knew, too.

I grew up in a small cottage with my mum and dad, only about ten minutes from the village. I had a few friends from around the place, but none from school. I never attended a Muggle school. It was just easier, what with my transformations. Also, there wasn't really a point in learning things that would become redundant once I began my magical education at Hogwarts. Of course, I had quite a talent for math and extreme passion for English. But my parents were very supportive with my Muggle interests. They encouraged me to read and express myself through words. But I was still left without many friends.

When I turned eleven and started my first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, I was on the lookout for some new ones. I didn't know anyone at Hogwarts, so I made friends my first priority. I boarded the Hogwarts Express, carrying my trunk and owl cage. I took a seat in an abandoned compartment and stared absentmindedly out the window.

As I heard the door open, I turned to see who was entering.

"Hi! Can we sit with you?" The boy asked, gesturing to the tall, handsome boy standing next to him.

I nodded nervously and the boy grinned. They pulled in their trunks and sat opposite me.

"I'm James Potter." The boy said. He had messy black hair and a mischievous grin.

"Remus Lupin." I replied croakily. I cleared my throat loudly and looked at the other boy.

He looked back at me and then said, "Oh, right. I'm Sirius Black!"

_Sirius Black_, I remember thinking. What a name!

"Hi." I said shyly. Sirius smiled at me.

"What house do you guys reckon you'll be in?" James smirked arrogantly. "I _know_ I'll be in Gryffindor. My whole family was and I'm gonna carry on that tradition!"

He stood up and mocked pulling out a sword. "Gryffindor, where the brave dwell at heart!"

Sirius chuckled. "You're a bit of a tosser, you know that?"

I laughed. James winked and sat back down. The door opened once more and a short, watery-eyed little boy stood before us.

"Hello," He said quietly. "Could I sit with you?"

James and Sirius looked at each other and held back laughter. "Sure, mate." James finally said.

The boy looked relieved and clumsily pulled his trunk into the compartment.

"I'm James Potter. This is Sirius Black and Remus Lupin." James announced, pointing to Sirius and I.

The boy sat down next to me. "I'm Peter Pettigrew."

I smiled and returned back to staring out the window. The rest of the ride was average; James and Sirius acting like dicks and Peter hanging on their every word. They told outrageous stories of all the troublesome things they'd done, though I expected that not a word of it was true. It was hard to stop myself from staring at Sirius, but I refrained.

I didn't want my new friend to think I was weird or creepy.

**x x x**

Of the four of us, it was obvious that James and Sirius were the closest. They were both hilarious, good looking, well-liked and very naughty. The teachers didn't find their antics too funny, but some of the nicer teachers found James and Sirius somewhat entertaining. They were the ones that always came up with the classic pranks. They were the ones that always had girls falling over themselves just to get a glimpse at their handsome, boyish faces.

But I wasn't jealous. I was never jealous, not even for a minute.

I was quite content with being the quiet, smart one. I liked that I slipped under most peoples' radars. It only mattered to me what Sirius thought of me. Of course, he thought I was great because he was my best mate.

But I always hoped for something more than that. Something more profound and intimate.

In my fourth year, I decided to tell James how I was feeling. One might have thought that it would be hard to open up to James, but the truth was that he was an extremely understanding and trustworthy bloke.

It was a warm Saturday in April and we were sitting in the Gryffindor common room. It was just James and I, for Sirius was off with his latest fling and Peter was out trudging around the castle. He had just been rejected the day prior by Alice Longbottom and was avoiding the Gryffindor common room as much as possible.

It was the late afternoon, so people were enjoying the sunshine for as long as they could so James and I were the only students occupying the common room. James was staring out the window, though I imagine he was probably daydreaming about Lily, and I was reading a very battered copy of _Wuthering Heights._ I closed it quietly and placed it next to me on the couch.

"James?" I asked.

He looked away from the window and at me instead. "Mm?" He raised his eyebrows.

I inhaled deeply. "Could I talk to you about something?"

"Sure, anything. What's up, mate?"

"Err... I -"

I hesitated. I had not yet thought of what exactly I was going to say. Ought I to spit it right out or play it subtly?

"I'm in love with Sirius." I blurted out. _Or blunt is good too, _I thought.

James looked slightly taken aback, but quickly regained his composure. "Oh. Yeah, okay. Have you told him?"

"No," I replied, sighing. "I think that maybe I should. Though I can't quite see the point in telling him."

"Just try. You never know what'll happen."

I nodded.

"So how long has it been?"

I raised my eyebrows. "That I've liked him?"

James nodded.

"I've liked him since we first met on the Hogwarts Express."

James' eyes grew wide. "That long?"

"Yes. I suppose it has been a while."

James ran a hand through his hair and nodded his head slightly. "I reckon you should tell Sirius. Maybe he feels the same way! And if he doesn't, he won't react badly. But if he's a dick about it, I can sort him out." He said with a tone of arrogance and a wink.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Okay, I'll tell him. Thank you, James. I knew coming out to you would be somewhat easy."

James gasped and placed a hand on his heart, feigning shock.

"Wait, what? Coming out? _You're gay?_ What – how – no! I thought it was just Sirius! Not other blokes too! What a shock. What a complete and utter shocker. Talk about surprise twist at the ending! I... I need a moment." He yelled sarcastically, before lowering his voice at the end, dramatically falling out of his seat and rolling about on the ground.

I rolled my eyes. "James, you wanker."

"You know, I _could_ go for a wank right now..." He looked away and rubbed his chin with his index finger and thumb, feigning deep thinking.

I sighed. "Thank you, James. I _really _wanted to know that."

James winked and laughed. "Only pushing your buttons, Remy. And yeah, I knew you were gay. Not to, you know, offend you or anything, but it's sorta obvious."

I smiled and shook my head. "I think you're right, James. You're not the first one to figure it out, you know. My parents worked it out on their own just fine."

"Oh?"

"It was the summer before third year. About half way through July, I was reading out in the backyard with my mum and she asked me if I had seen any cute girls around town. I told her no, that there was someone at Hogwarts,"

"Sirius." James said, smiling.

I nodded and smiled too. "Mum asked me what she was like and what she liked doing and how I knew her. And I tried to avoid pronouns but it was bloody difficult because I couldn't use Sirius' name, obviously. So I kept referring to him as 'she' and then after I was done, Mum smiled and whispered, 'Remus, this person isn't a girl, is it? It's a boy.' And I started to cry and she hugged me for the longest time. Mum told me she knew and had known for a long time and that the conversation was her way of checking before asking me directly. And then she told me she loved me and that she was okay with it."

I smiled at the memory and James placed a hand on my knee. "I admire your courage, Remus. I know everyone thinks that Sirius and I are the big, strong ones but I swear, emotionally and mentally, you are the strongest of us all."

I patted James' hand. "Thanks, James. I really appreciate it."

He smiled and we sat in silence for a couple of minutes.

"What about your dad?"

"Huh?"

"You know, how did he figure out you're gay?"

"Oh. I'm guessing my mum must have told him after her suspicions were confirmed. I have a feeling they had discussed it before and planned for Mum to ask me. Anyway, he walked into my bedroom a couple of days later, sat down next to me on my bed and said, 'Remus, I know you're gay. And I just want you to know that I love you.' It was very direct and simple, which was preferable."

James nodded. "That's great. Your parents sound lovely."

I smiled. "They are. They really are. Listen, James... Could you keep this whole conversation a secret? Just for a while. I'm just not quite ready for people to know."

James nodded and pulled me into a hug. "Remy, don't worry one bit. I'll keep this a secret, even if you decide to never tell another soul."

We pulled apart and I continued to read, now feeling very content. James kept on daydreaming of Lily until she entered the common room.

"Lily! My love!" He exclaimed as soon as she'd stepped through the portrait hole.

She rolled her eyes and joined me on the couch. "Hi Remy." She said, giving me a friendly kiss on the cheek.

James gasped and his mouth turned into a nice, round 'o' shape.

I shrugged at James, though I was cheekily grinning because I knew how much he wished he was me at that very moment.

"Lily! You don't want to kiss Remus; he doesn't even – Uhh... Oh, I - I mean... Kiss me!" He said, turning a bright scarlet colour.

Lily raised an eyebrow suspiciously. "Remus doesn't even what?"

James looked at me with an expression that screamed, 'Help!'

I sighed and faced Lily. "I'm gay."

Lily smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

"Finally, you've decided to tell me..." She trailed off when she saw the look of incredulity on my face and coughed awkwardly. "Um, I mean... What? That's... Wow. I'd never expect you to be gay!"

James was pissing himself with laughter by then and I sighed and smiled.

"It's alright, Lily. I know that it's kind of obvious. It's just that I always thought I played a somewhat convincing straight guy."

Lily just smiled and shook her head sadly. "Sorry, Remus. I hope you don't mind me saying, but I've noticed that you give Sirius these special looks that I've never seen you give anyone else. I've always thought you've had a bit of a thing for him, actually."

I blushed and looked down.

Lily gasped. "Oh, Remus... You do have a thing for him! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to embarrass you, or anything."

I shrugged. "It's alright. I'm going to tell him that I love him soon, anyway. And no doubt he'll laugh in my face and tell the whole school."

Lily frowned. "You don't really believe that, do you?"

I gave her a puzzled look and she grabbed my hand. "Sirius loves you! I said that I've seen you give him a look you've given no one else, but I've seen him do the same to you. I expect him to return the feelings one hundred percent."

"Kind of like the look I give you, right, Lily?" James said desperately.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Kind of, yes. But it's not love, James. Not like Remus and Sirius. You give me a stupid, puppy-love look. It's just a childish crush."

James feigned offence and crossed his arms. "Oh but it _is_ love, Lily. You just don't know it yet. You'll fall for my charm soon and then you'll be all mine."

As always, James let criticism and negative comments bounce right off him. That was the great thing about him. He never took anything too seriously, mostly because he was extremely arrogant, but also because that was just his sense of humour.

Lily rolled her eyes again. She turned away to see who had just entered the common room, but I could have sworn I saw her smile. "Oh! Hi, Sirius."

She turned back around and grinned at me.

"Hey," Sirius greeted back.

I was silently begging Lily with my eyes not to be too obvious about my recent revelations and I picked my book up again and pretended to read, eager to act as normal as possible.

"What are you guys talking about?" He said, taking a seat on the armrest of the armchair James was sitting on.

"Just about James' undying love for me." Lily said with a laugh.

Sirius laughed and James simply shrugged.

"You love me, Lilykins. I know you do, and you know it, too. You're just too afraid to admit it!"

Lily rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that day and shook her head.

"You are sadly misguided, Potter," She got up off the couch and stood right in front of him. "I'm not afraid to admit it."

And she pressed her lips to James', much to the shock of Sirius and I.

"Merlin! Let me get away first!" Sirius leapt up from where he was sitting and quickly joined me on the couch.

James was kissing back passionately and now had Lily sitting on his lap. Sirius coughed awkwardly.

"Soooo..." He said, scratching his head uncomfortably.

I put my book down and rubbed my eyes, trying my best not to look at James and Lily getting it on.

"How about we go for a walk?" I suggested.

Sirius nodded and we quickly left the common room. James and Lily were still so engrossed in kissing each other that they mustn't have noticed our exit, because they carried on with their kissing as if they were the only two in the room.

We wandered along the corridor and soon stopped at one of the many glassless windows at Hogwarts. I gazed out at the stunning view of the Black Lake to try and distract myself from the stunning view right next to me.

"Gorgeous." Sirius noted as he leant on the windowsill.

I nodded. "Mm. It's lovely."

He muttered something inaudible.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Don't worry. So, Remy, you found yourself a girlfriend yet?"

I let out a small laugh and shook my head. "No girlfriend yet,"

I couldn't help but notice him look slightly happier, but I told myself that it was just the hopeful part of me trying to look for signs that meant the world to me and meant nothing to Sirius.

"How's it going with... um... what's-her-name?"

Sirius laughed and smiled sadly. "Ruby? Nothing's going on there. We've only been hooking up this past week but I don't plan on seeing her again."

"Hooking up as in sex?"

Sirius laughed again and shook his head. "No, no, not sex. It's never sex. Not with Ruby, nor any other girl."

My heart leapt happily, but I nodded nonchalantly. "Fair enough."

"Have you done the nasty yet, Remy?"

I laughed. "Uh, no, Sirius. I think I'd tell you, James and Peter if I had."

"Fair enough." He repeated with a wink.

I gave a small laugh and trailed off sadly. "Have you ever been in love, Siri?" I asked with a sigh.

"Love?" He paused. "Uhh, no. Have you?"

I nodded slowly. Sirius put a hand on my shoulder. "Who was it?"

I shrugged.

"Remy," A deep crease formed in his forehead with worry. "Are you alright?"

Again, I simply shrugged. My mind had gone blank and my mouth was dry and I couldn't bring myself to form the words.

Sirius grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to face him. "Listen to me, Remus. If anything is up, you can tell me. I'm your best mate. You can honestly tell me anything."

I looked into Sirius' worried yet welcoming eyes and I felt as if I was going to melt right then and there. I inhaled deeply and tried to calm my mind.

I leant up on my tiptoes slightly and gave Sirius a small, innocent kiss on the lips.

The worried expression on his face slowly turned into a confused one. "I – I don't understand, Remus."

"It's you. I love you." I said simply.

I'd already kissed him; if he didn't return the feelings, then telling him I loved him wasn't going to make things much worse.

"But... You can't be love me! You're – you're Remus! You're not _gay_!"

A sad little smile formed on my lips and I shrugged. "At least someone thinks I'm straight."

"So you _are_ gay?"

"Pretty much."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair but started to smile. "Well, it looks like I'm not the only gay around here anymore."

And then he pulled me in by taking hold of both sides of my face and kissed me.

We kept on kissing, getting more urgent by the minute. His teeth gently nibbled my bottom lip every so often and my tongue found its way into his mouth. I let out little moans and ran my fingers fervently through his hair, while Sirius snaked his arms around me and pulled me closer to him until we were pressed up against each other.

"I love you too, by the way," Sirius murmured after our lips had pulled away from one another.

My arms wrapped around his waist. I nestled my head into the crook of his neck and happily breathed in his murky, wonderful scent. Sirius kissed my head.

"So we're both gay?" I whispered into his neck.

"Yes."

"So why Ruby and co.?"

Sirius sighed. "I thought that if I got around to enough girls, maybe I'd realise that I was straight. That didn't work, obviously. I knew it wouldn't, but it was my last hope. That's why I never had sex with any of them. Admittedly, I nearly tried with Ruby. But I freaked out when she pulled my top off and I had to tell her. She took the gay part perfectly fine, but naturally she was mad at me for pretending and lying."

I kissed Sirius' neck and pulled out so I could look at his face. "I'm glad you didn't have sex with her. Anyway, so we're both gay and we both love each other. What now?"

He kissed me on the lips again and shrugged. "We'll sort it out later. Right now I want to go back to the common room and take a nap with you."

I kissed Sirius' nose. "Sounds like a good plan."

We walked hand in hand back to the Gryffindor common room. "I wonder what James and Lily are doing," I wondered aloud.

Sirius laughed as he helped me through the portrait hole. They were now sitting on the other couch, next to the armchair, and Lily was reading. James was sitting with his back against the armrest and was staring at her dazedly. James broke his gaze from Lily and grinned when he saw that Sirius and I were also holding hands.

"AYYY! Way to go, Remy!"

Lily looked up from her book, clearly annoyed because of James' disruption, but her face softened when she saw us and smiled.

"Aw, I'm so happy for you guys."

"Likewise about you and James," I said, giving Sirius a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Now, we're gonna go upstairs and have a nap. See you two later!"

James roared with laughter. "And I hope by 'nap' you actually mean sleep," He said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "But if not, then hell yeah, Sirius! Still a player, even though you're gay!"

Lily looked over at James with a half disgusted, half amused face and I raised an eyebrow. Sirius blushed and looked down at his feet.

James looked at us all and coughed awkwardly. "Err... Right. What I meant to say was - uhh... bye." He finished lamely.

Sirius and I exchanged amused looks and made our way up to the boy's dormitory. We released hands and I pulled off my shoes.

"Your bed or mine?"

I turned around and Sirius pulled me gently onto his bed.

"Mine." He whispered close to my ear. He pulled the duvet over us and we lay down, my head leaning on his chest.

"I love you," He murmured.

"I love you, too."

We kissed one again and closed our eyes, letting the darkness slowly engulf us and the pleasant dreams fill our content minds.


End file.
